Whether or not an aging parent should live with their adult children raises issues for the parent and the children. There is no single or easy answer.
It usually starts when one spouse dies and an aging parent suddenly seems alone and vulnerable. The parent may bring it up first, referencing a long ago conversation when the adult children said they would never put their parent into a nursing home or similar facility. As described in Forbes’ “Aging Parents and The Rise of the Multi-Generation Household,” this promise is usually made when the parents are well and the natural response “of course not” is an easy answer. But situations change, and the answer is not always so simple.
The Dickensian concept of “being put in a home” is based on largely outdated ideas of poorhouses and debtors’ prisons. While perhaps a bit drastic, it may not be that far off for Depression-era kids who saw the treatment of seniors before Medicare and Medicaid provided some care. Some nursing homes are still found to violate government regulations, but most are decent, well managed and comfortable places to care for seniors who need a lot of attention for a multitude of medical needs. Licensed board and care homes may be another option for long-term care, usually at a lower cost than nursing homes. They don’t offer skilled nursing, but they do have a more intimate environment with a less institutional atmosphere.
